I am strong enough, but i don't want to be
by Nayelli Jude
Summary: Leah Clearwater, the girl that nobody see's.


I really wanted to write a one-shot about Leah because she has to be one of my favorites if not the favorite in the books. I hope you enjoy it(: I do not own anything twilight!

**As I stepped onto the cliff ledge at La Push's biggest beach, I felt the wind blow cool on my almost bare skin. Even with the abnormality of my regular 109 degree temperature, I could feel the chill in the air as I breathed in a staggered breath. I let the tears run down my face, quietly. I was past sobbing, I was past screaming, I was past fighting and hating the world. **

**Peace.**

**I wanted Peace.**

**Pulling out the black SANYO video camera I laughed, raggedly. And looked out into the deep night sky, not wishing for once that I could sink beneath the rich and damp brown soil beneath my feet. **

**No I would be there soon enough. This time…**

**This time I was on top. On top of the world, on top of everything. On top of life. A natural high, because I knew this time I WAS IN CONTROL. Me. **

**I fiddled with the camcorder in my hand before opening it and turning the lens around my way, minni tv facing me also so I could see myself as I filmed. For once I looked beautiful. **

**And I began.**

"**There are so many Leah's that you all know, but I wish you could remember the Leah that I used to be." I saw myself smile faintly in the reflection bouncing off the plastic. **

"**Think of who I was." in. out. In. out. Deep breaths took over me before I started again.**

"**Embry, do you remember the girl I was that day down by the pond when we were three and Derek Jenson made fun of you for not having a dad? Remember the girl who got so mad so she stood up for you and punched him so hard he fell off the rocks and broke his arm? Then took you home by the hand and made you a PB&J lunch? When you were six and I was seven? Remember her instead of me." **

"**And Quil, remember the girl who helped you pull that prank on Jared after he stole your girlfriend. The girl who put ceran wrap around his car and filled it with confetti filled condoms right before their first date? Sorry Jared. Remember her instead of me." **

"**Paul, remember the girl who was your best friend right up until everything that happened last year. The girl who used to stay all night at your house and it didn't make any difference about being the opposite sex because we were so close. We used to stay up all night playing video games like resident evil and dead space? Remember her instead of me."**

"**my list could go on and on but I really want you guys to remember me as I **_**was**_**. As the girl who made pinky promises threatening needles in eyes, who loved with all of her heart, who acted on impulse and never turned down a dare. The girl you could count on to stand up and face the world for you. Right now you see me as bitter and mean and horrible and for that I'm sorry, but maybe if you remembered the girl I used to be then you could see things differently. Remember her instead of me…. And Sam. Remember me as the girl who loved you, the girl who you kept actually**_** living**_**."**

**I shut the lens and thought about what was going to happen next. I knew I wouldn't die, unless I found a vamp to kill me and I had too much pride for that. I knew that this fall would only be painful, extremely painful for a few days time and as soon as I woke up things could possible even get worse. But I had to get away.**

**What hurts the most, what made me the Leah who everyone despises isn't because I hate Sam and Emily, it isn't because I envy the others and feel betrayed by them, even Jacob. No, it's all those emotions towards myself.**

**What hurts the most. I'm laughing now but all the seriousness will return to my face in just moments time.**

**What hurts the most..**

**What really hurts the most is the fact that Sam tried. He really did try. Jacob tried. He really did try. But it was never enough, I was never good enough. It was always my fault, from phasing and killing my dad to mentally breaking Emily. To never letting anyone in, even though they tried so hard to be there for me.**

**I. Was. Never. **_**Enough.**_


End file.
